Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made [man] is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one... that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain.
Mark Twain - Keyword(s): Animal Rights , Humankind , Pain

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's.
Mark Twain - Keyword(s):

Life is like a dog sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
Lewis Grizzard - Keyword(s): , Life

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
Ambrose Bierce - Keyword(s): , World , Affection

Happiness is a warm puppy.
Charles M. Schulz - Keyword(s): , Happiness

Dogs are miracles with paws.
Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy - Keyword(s):

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.
Corey Ford - Keyword(s):

Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.
Josh Billings - Keyword(s):

Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
Franklin P. Jones - Keyword(s):

Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot little puppies.
Gene Hill - Keyword(s): , Happiness

Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.
Max Eastman - Keyword(s):

Man is a dog's idea of what God should be.
Holbrook Jackson - Keyword(s):

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
Aldous Huxley - Keyword(s):

My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet.
Edith Wharton - Keyword(s):

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.
Christopher Morley - Keyword(s):

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
Edward Abbey - Keyword(s):

If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
Will Rogers - Keyword(s):

If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise.
Anonymous - Keyword(s): , Exercise

A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.
O.A. Battista - Keyword(s): , Walking

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Ogden Nash - Keyword(s):

If you can look at a dog and not feel vicarious excitement and affection, you must be a cat.
Carrie Latet - Keyword(s):

I like a bit of mongrel myself, whether it's a man or a dog; they're the best for everyday.
George Bernard Shaw - Keyword(s):

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons.
Will Rogers - Keyword(s):

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
Robert Benchley - Keyword(s): , Perseverance

Dogs, the foremost snobs in creation, are quick to notice the difference between a well-clad and a disreputable stranger.
Albert Payson Terhune - Keyword(s):

To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring - it was peace.
Milan Kundera - Keyword(s): , Bores , Peace

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
Josh Billings - Keyword(s): , Love

The dog was created specially for children. He is the god of frolic.
Henry Ward Beecher - Keyword(s): , Children

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
Franklin P. Jones - Keyword(s):

You ask of my companions. Hills, sir, and the sundown, and a dog as large as myself that my father bought me. They are better than human beings, because they know but do not tell.
Emily Dickinson - Keyword(s):

I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive.
Gilda Radner - Keyword(s):

When a dog barks at the moon, then it is religion; but when he barks at strangers, it is patriotism!
David Starr Jordan - Keyword(s):

There's a tremendous difference between alone and lonely. You could be lonely in a group of people. I like being alone. I like eating by myself. I go home at night and just watch a movie or hang out with my dog.
Drew Barrymore - Keyword(s): Alone , People , Home

The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.
Samuel Butler - Keyword(s):

We long for an affection altogether ignorant of our faults. Heaven has accorded this to us in the uncritical canine attachment.
George Eliot - Keyword(s):

No philosophers so thoroughly comprehend us as dogs and horses.
Herman Melville - Keyword(s):

One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you're feeling blue is that he doesn't try to find out why.
Anonymous - Keyword(s):

Bulldogs are adorable, with faces like toads that have been sat on.
Colette - Keyword(s):

The small percentage of dogs that bite people is monumental proof that the dog is the most benign, forgiving creature on earth.
W.R. Koehler - Keyword(s): , Humankind

Our dogs will love and admire the meanest of us, and feed our colossal vanity with their uncritical homage.
Agnes Repplier - Keyword(s):

The greatest love is a mother's; then a dog's; then a sweetheart's.
Polish Proverb - Keyword(s):

The dog is a yes-animal, very popular with people who can't afford to keep a yes-man.
Robertson Davies - Keyword(s):

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.
Anonymous - Keyword(s): , Integrity

Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are God. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are God.
Christopher Hitchens - Keyword(s): , Cats , God

Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of their universe. We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made.
Roger Caras - Keyword(s):

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
Andy Rooney - Keyword(s):

The dog wags his tail, not for you, but for your bread.
Portuguese Proverb - Keyword(s):

There is no faith which has never yet been broken, except that of a truly faithful dog.
Konrad Lorenz - Keyword(s):

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater... suggest that he wear a tail.
Fran Lebowitz - Keyword(s): Clothing

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.
Robert Benchley - Keyword(s):

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.
Phil Pastoret - Keyword(s): , Math

A dog is not "almost human" and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it as such.
John Holmes - Keyword(s):

If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.
Woodrow Wilson - Keyword(s):

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Rita Rudner - Keyword(s):

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
Ben Williams - Keyword(s): , Psychology

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
Dave Barry - Keyword(s):

The nose of the bulldog has been slanted backwards so that he can breathe without letting go.
Winston Churchill - Keyword(s):

They never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation.
Jerome K. Jerome - Keyword(s):

When a dog wants to hang out the "Do Not Disturb" sign, as all of us do now and then, he is regarded as a traitor to his species.
Ramona C. Albert - Keyword(s):

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
Roger Caras - Keyword(s):

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
Anonymous - Keyword(s):

A dog can express more with his tail in seconds than his owner can express with his tongue in hours.
Anonymous - Keyword(s):

I named my dog Stay so I can say, "Come here, Stay. Come here, Stay."
Steven Wright - Keyword(s):

Fox-terriers are born with about four times as much original sin in them as other dogs are...
Jerome K. Jerome - Keyword(s):

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
Andy Rooney - Keyword(s):

I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward.
G.K. Chesterton - Keyword(s):

The dog is the only animal that has seen his god.
Anonymous - Keyword(s):

Dogs' lives are too short. Their only fault, really.
Agnes Sligh Turnbull - Keyword(s):

In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train him to be semi human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog.
Edward Hoagland - Keyword(s):

In the world which we know, among the different and primitive geniuses that preside over the evolution of the several species, there exists not one, excepting that of the dog, that ever gave a thought to the presence of man.
Maurice Maeterlinck - Keyword(s):

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
Anonymous - Keyword(s):

When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.
Robert M. Pirsig - Keyword(s):

From the dog's point of view, his master is an elongated and abnormally cunning dog.
Mabel Louise Robinson - Keyword(s):

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
Steve Bluestone - Keyword(s):

The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother - and they'll settle for a puppy every time.
Winston Pendelton - Keyword(s): Brothers

With the exception of women, there is nothing on earth so agreeable or necessary to the comfort of man as the dog.
Edward Jesse - Keyword(s):

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.
Sue Murphy - Keyword(s):

You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us.
Robert Louis Stevenson - Keyword(s):

Children are for people who can't have dogs.
Anonymous - Keyword(s):

Labradors are lousy watchdogs. They usually bark when there is a stranger about, but it is an expression of unmitigated joy at the chance to meet somebody new, not a warning.
Norman Strung - Keyword(s):

Amount of time it takes for a dog to "do its business" is directly proportional to outside temperature + suitability of owner's outerwear.
Betsy Canas Garmon - Keyword(s):

An old dog, even more than an old spouse, always feels like doing what you feel like doing.
Robert Brault - Keyword(s):

The more one gets to know of men, the more one values dogs.
Alphonse Toussenel - Keyword(s):

Both humans and dogs love to play well into adulthood, and individuals from both species occasionally display evidence of having a conscience.
Jon Winokur - Keyword(s):

The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor.
Margo Kaufman - Keyword(s):

I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl.
Penny Ward Moser - Keyword(s):

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.
Mark Twain - Keyword(s): , People , Animal Lover