All diseases run into one, old age.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
W.C. Fields Quotes
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Horse sense is a good judgment which keeps horses from betting on people.
Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
Start every day with a smile and get it over with.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up. There's no use in being a damn fool about it.
I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy, I've done it a thousand times.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
After two days in the hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.