War would end if the dead could return.
~ Stanley Baldwin
Henny Youngman Quotes
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
What is a home without children? Quiet.
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.